Psalm 13
English Standard
Version (ESV)
13 (A)How long, O Lord?
Will you (B)forget me forever?
How long will you (C)hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take (D)counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
How long will you (C)hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take (D)counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 (E)Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
(F)light up my eyes, lest (G)I sleep the sleep of death,
4 (H)lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am (I)shaken.
(F)light up my eyes, lest (G)I sleep the sleep of death,
4 (H)lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am (I)shaken.
5 But I have (J)trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall (K)rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
my heart shall (K)rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Today
I must share what has been going on in my mind.
I try to be a little protective of that part of myself and sometimes
hold back. Maybe it is best to hold back
but today I can’t. Most people may think
that I need to just get over it, move on, quit thinking about the past but the
past keeps coming back.
Two
years ago I was a part of an amazing school.
Yet not everyone thought this about the school. Although they had not visited it they were
critics of it. Students who were about
to drop out of school decided to give education one more chance and come to our
school some thought this kids didn’t deserve an education. This school was funded by a grant and the
grant ran out. It operated one more year
after the grant money was gone and operated on a low budget, however, when
state funding was cut, this school was the first thing to go. With the school gone my passion was taken
away from me. In my search for answers,
I began this blog. I knew that my answers were not of this world and the only
answers I would find would be in the Word of God. I figured that if I were going to search I
would allow others to follow along in that search. It has been a very tough journey for me full
of numerous disappointments and a few sprinkles of blessings along the
way. Of course this blog has been one of
those blessings. Not because I am a
great writer and have gained fame, neither of those are true, but because God
has spoken to me through His word.
My
latest disappointment came when I finally had a chance to be a part of a place
I really wanted to be a part of. People
who I thought believed in me, saw my passion and had the chance to hire me,
chose to hire someone else. Wow, what a
blow! The hardest thing to have to go
through is seeing that your friends may not be your friends at all. Lip service is not all that it is cut out to
be. Where the rubber meets the road is
how you treat others. Like the saying
goes, actions speak louder than words.
Each
year at the beginning of the school year I go through these thoughts and at the
end of the school year they return. As
the school year progresses I am generally fine but when certain times of the
year come I get very very discouraged.
This is one of those times. Last
night I cried once again to the Lord. “If
you don’t want me to have this passion, please take it away from me”. I continue to ask the Lord to help me see the
bigger picture, help me cope with this disappointment with joy and
happiness. Let me count these times as
blessings. As the song goes, help me
count my blessings one by one and see what God has done. I am truly blessed, I do have two jobs that I
am not totally dissatisfied with just really not content in. I know what contentment feels like and this
is not it. I used to look forward to
getting up and going to work, touching lives and being touched by lives but
now, I go because it is what is expected of me.
Last
night I cried, “How much longer Lord?” today I read Psalm 13. I really really want this to end. I either want to be excited about my jobs and
happy and content in them or I want to be placed where my passion is, with
children, teens, those whose lives I can have an impact on. God placed a passion in me for children,
something that I believe came from my experience as a child. I can remember my childhood vividly and I
believe He gave me that memory for a reason.
He gave me a compassion to help the children yet man has taken that
opportunity away from me. And I cry
again.
But,
God is good. God is good all the
time. He has given me a life that is
full and I mean full of blessings.
Christian parents, a loving husband, children who honor the Lord and
honor my husband and I, a big sister that loves and cares for me, a church
family that loves me, friends who will pray for my family when I ask, and most
of all He gave me Jesus. So why do I fret? Lord, please help me wait patiently, help me
to know that your will is being accomplished, Let me remember your steadfast
love. Help me to know that my enemy does
not prevail over me because you are the One and Only who prevails over me. I don’t want my enemies to even think they
have won because when they think that, they really do not know you. Help me Father to be discerning as to who I call
friend but help me to love those who I think are my friends but who are truly
my enemies. Help me to show my love to
those who hurt me by forgiving them because they know not what they do. Guide me Father, direct me into your path for
me. Help me Father to be joyful, help me
to be content but not complacent. I do
rejoice in your salvation Father. I do
know that my compassion for the children came from you and no one else and if
you want me to once again serve in that capacity you will offer me the
opportunity. For now, I will trust in
you.
I
want to live and point my life to you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfosSggwQS0
Seek Him
and know that He is God.
Seeking
Him with all my heart,
Sheila
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